I can see the mini arcs concept at play from your videos. "Will he get the enlo cake? Actually...No. No he won't." They say so much about why he wants them and it's so seemingly mundane, which at first I was like "Why do I want to read this?" to then thinking "yeah okay, this is fun". The synopsis or summary of the story overview helped push me a bit because I know, more or less, where this will go so now I'm curious to see how we go from this to that. Oh but I'm also a little scared. Drama is so hard for me.
I have been looking forward to reading your work after watching your YT videos. I finally got a chance today and I like the style as well as the characters so I will be reading more. I would like to binge through this interesting tale but do to time constraints I will instead treat it like Enlo Cakes and savor each morsel. I quite like how you have set the stage with a very relaxed atmosphere yet the underlying threat of assassination creating the need for subterfuge. I can tell I am going to enjoy the character interactions as much as the main plot. I have a hard time finding authors I enjoy these days so I am glad your videos led me here.
Hello, I'm glad you found me! And I'm glad you're enjoying my novel. I am enjoying writing it. I look forward to the journey to the end and I hope you can continue to enjoy it, too. I have the same difficulty finding authors. One hope I had when I started publishing this book was that I could be the reliable source of stories for others that I had always hoped to find myself. Thank you again!
Hi Hilary I just read the first chapter, Enlo Cakes, and enjoyed it. You've set up a rich environment for the reader go through (I hate the term world-building, it sounds so sci-fi, like there's going to be giant architecture and elaborate tech cities, but here it's a minimalist, spare, clean environment, like pre-colonial Japan, and it's realized and very vivid. I liked the bit at the beginning of the King getting four reports, not knowing which was of his son. That's Borgesian to me, I'm a Borges fan. You've got labyrinths too. You've set up very strongly the prince in his sheltered life, a touch of Shakyamuni there, his stern tutor and this comical beginning, the maid as a possible love interest - all of which points to, like Chekov's gun, him escaping from it. Anyway, a great read! I could never write something with as much measure and clarity, I tend to write first person and go into the narrator's thoughts. I'm looking forward to reading more.
Thank you very much! Your comments are very interesting to me as I am also a Borges fan and now I'm wondering how much he's influenced how I like to tell stories. I wasn't even thinking about him when I put together the labyrinth in the center of the Little Palace, and yet there it is... Thank you for reading, and for taking the time to comment! I hope you continue to enjoy it.
I listened to some of your youtube videos during my 8-hour work shift (ironically enough, scanning books…not very challenging for the mind though so I try to fill the time with learning). I don’t even fully remember how I got here from youtube, and I didn’t even intend to read the first chapter - but it was instantly magnetic. After the first few paragraphs of this first chapter, my brain tried to remind me that I was supposed to do something else and I shushed my own brain to keep reading. I am already so bought in and so excited to be able to recognize those mini-arcs and smart dialogue pieces that I was learning about. Beautiful work, I will definitely read the rest.
Thank you! And thank you for taking the time to tell me you enjoyed it. That's very encouraging to hear, I have to admit. I hope you continue to enjoy it, and thank you so much for taking the time to read it!
I saw your most recent post today and figured, "Now is the time to start reading!"
An absolutely enjoyable first chapter! I'm looking forward to So Ga's journey, the unfolding of this future threat surrounding the other princes, and the beggar with "dangerous secrets."
A delightful start! It doesn’t even feel like world building although I know it is and it reminds me of many a historical KDrama, where the male lead gets to be goofy instead of his usual strict demeanour. I may have to check out your YouTube channel as well.
Thanks for sharing. I've watched a few of your videos and I'm glad I followed the link. Your story has me interested in this prince, his kingdom and whether or not he's actually going to get to eat the Enlo Cake before something terrible happens. :) And sure, I'm well read, even have something of a degree or two on the subject ... but none of that matters as much as the fact that you've written something worth reading. Thanks!
Hi Hilary, came from your YouTube channel and have just read your first chapter. It was quite charming and I very much enjoyed the first introduction to your characters. Especially So Ga, who already has some interesting depth to him. Do you perhaps have someone to look over your work and help you with editing? I don’t want to overstep, but if you welcome any constructive criticism I’d be happy to discuss some areas I noticed that I think may make your work flow better with a little extra attention.
When I attempt to write fiction, what I most want from comments is constructive feedback, so on the off-chance you are the same, as a way to offer thanks, I'm tentatively going to offer a little.
First impressions from reading first chapter:
I really like your first chapter. It serves an important purpose in making the prince likeable and depicts the relatively benign world he about to be wrenched from. I think you are right to precede it with an introduction that signals that the pleasant first chapter is a prelude to disaster.
I think the introduction (beginning "In the middle of a cold autumn night") could still work if it were a snippet of a scene some time in the near future, written with the close point of view of chapter 1. I think that might have advantages.
It's currently written more like a plot summary than engaging evocative prose. If someone is looking for an engaging story, I think they might find it a bit cold and distant from the characters. I wonder if a short narrative told from the point of view of the prince about his first meeting with the beggar might be more engaging; one that leaves out some of the facts of the world, but contains the key information: the prince is (or shortly will be) on the run with little hope of survival, and he only has a beggar as an ally. As it is, the introduction lacks the engaging writing of your first chapter and might discourage readers who would otherwise be drawn into your novel.
The effort of the introduction could also be enhanced if there were hints in the first chapter that implied increased tension among the guards. My initial assumption was that the smell was that of some kind of gas attack on the compound, but that soon disappeared. If any such tension could be fed, it might help keep the danger from the introduction in the background of the mind of the reader, even as you continue to set out the benign introductory setting.
One suggested line edit. This following sentence didn't work for me:
"The stale afternoon air in his brightly lit study had suddenly received a sweet, sugary fragrance and no amount of studious diligence could make him ignore it."
Maybe replace the passive:
"The stale afternoon air in his brightly lit study *now carried* a sweet, sugary fragrance and no amount of studious diligence could make him ignore it."
Overall, the chapter made me want to continue reading. Well done.
(Came to this substack via one of your YouTube videos, because I like what you said and was curious)
Whenever I start a new story, the clock is ticking on whether or not I'll continue with the author. You, dear Hilary, have delighted me with your mud, enlo cakes, gorts, and bodyswords. Good fun, thanks for that.
While I enjoy your YT content, I don't think I'll be continuing this. There is ZERO tension in this first chapter. We have a prince sneaking around, but I don't know what the consequences are if he gets caught. Will his tutor double his readings as punishment? Will the tutor throw out the enlo cakes, believing them to be a distraction, thus denying our prince a taste of childhood? Because if there is no consequence of getting caught, why sneak in the first place? (And yes, the sneaking is there to give the reader a tour of the Little Palace, but it shouldn't be so obvious. So Ga should be sneaking for his own reasons, not for the reader's sake.)
I can see the mini arcs concept at play from your videos. "Will he get the enlo cake? Actually...No. No he won't." They say so much about why he wants them and it's so seemingly mundane, which at first I was like "Why do I want to read this?" to then thinking "yeah okay, this is fun". The synopsis or summary of the story overview helped push me a bit because I know, more or less, where this will go so now I'm curious to see how we go from this to that. Oh but I'm also a little scared. Drama is so hard for me.
I have been looking forward to reading your work after watching your YT videos. I finally got a chance today and I like the style as well as the characters so I will be reading more. I would like to binge through this interesting tale but do to time constraints I will instead treat it like Enlo Cakes and savor each morsel. I quite like how you have set the stage with a very relaxed atmosphere yet the underlying threat of assassination creating the need for subterfuge. I can tell I am going to enjoy the character interactions as much as the main plot. I have a hard time finding authors I enjoy these days so I am glad your videos led me here.
Hello, I'm glad you found me! And I'm glad you're enjoying my novel. I am enjoying writing it. I look forward to the journey to the end and I hope you can continue to enjoy it, too. I have the same difficulty finding authors. One hope I had when I started publishing this book was that I could be the reliable source of stories for others that I had always hoped to find myself. Thank you again!
Absolutely loved this!! I can't wait to read the rest. Your such an amazing writer you should definitely look into publishing your works ♡
Thank you! I hope you continue to enjoy it!
Hi Hilary I just read the first chapter, Enlo Cakes, and enjoyed it. You've set up a rich environment for the reader go through (I hate the term world-building, it sounds so sci-fi, like there's going to be giant architecture and elaborate tech cities, but here it's a minimalist, spare, clean environment, like pre-colonial Japan, and it's realized and very vivid. I liked the bit at the beginning of the King getting four reports, not knowing which was of his son. That's Borgesian to me, I'm a Borges fan. You've got labyrinths too. You've set up very strongly the prince in his sheltered life, a touch of Shakyamuni there, his stern tutor and this comical beginning, the maid as a possible love interest - all of which points to, like Chekov's gun, him escaping from it. Anyway, a great read! I could never write something with as much measure and clarity, I tend to write first person and go into the narrator's thoughts. I'm looking forward to reading more.
Thank you very much! Your comments are very interesting to me as I am also a Borges fan and now I'm wondering how much he's influenced how I like to tell stories. I wasn't even thinking about him when I put together the labyrinth in the center of the Little Palace, and yet there it is... Thank you for reading, and for taking the time to comment! I hope you continue to enjoy it.
Well, we all like labyrinths...
I listened to some of your youtube videos during my 8-hour work shift (ironically enough, scanning books…not very challenging for the mind though so I try to fill the time with learning). I don’t even fully remember how I got here from youtube, and I didn’t even intend to read the first chapter - but it was instantly magnetic. After the first few paragraphs of this first chapter, my brain tried to remind me that I was supposed to do something else and I shushed my own brain to keep reading. I am already so bought in and so excited to be able to recognize those mini-arcs and smart dialogue pieces that I was learning about. Beautiful work, I will definitely read the rest.
Thank you! And thank you for taking the time to tell me you enjoyed it. That's very encouraging to hear, I have to admit. I hope you continue to enjoy it, and thank you so much for taking the time to read it!
I saw your most recent post today and figured, "Now is the time to start reading!"
An absolutely enjoyable first chapter! I'm looking forward to So Ga's journey, the unfolding of this future threat surrounding the other princes, and the beggar with "dangerous secrets."
Thank you! I hope you continue to enjoy it. And thank you very much for reading it!
Eu cheguei aqui pelos videos no YT. Tenho grandes espectativas de que não ficar desapontada com esta leitura.
A delightful start! It doesn’t even feel like world building although I know it is and it reminds me of many a historical KDrama, where the male lead gets to be goofy instead of his usual strict demeanour. I may have to check out your YouTube channel as well.
Thank you!
Thanks for sharing. I've watched a few of your videos and I'm glad I followed the link. Your story has me interested in this prince, his kingdom and whether or not he's actually going to get to eat the Enlo Cake before something terrible happens. :) And sure, I'm well read, even have something of a degree or two on the subject ... but none of that matters as much as the fact that you've written something worth reading. Thanks!
Hi Hilary, came from your YouTube channel and have just read your first chapter. It was quite charming and I very much enjoyed the first introduction to your characters. Especially So Ga, who already has some interesting depth to him. Do you perhaps have someone to look over your work and help you with editing? I don’t want to overstep, but if you welcome any constructive criticism I’d be happy to discuss some areas I noticed that I think may make your work flow better with a little extra attention.
Thank you.
When I attempt to write fiction, what I most want from comments is constructive feedback, so on the off-chance you are the same, as a way to offer thanks, I'm tentatively going to offer a little.
First impressions from reading first chapter:
I really like your first chapter. It serves an important purpose in making the prince likeable and depicts the relatively benign world he about to be wrenched from. I think you are right to precede it with an introduction that signals that the pleasant first chapter is a prelude to disaster.
I think the introduction (beginning "In the middle of a cold autumn night") could still work if it were a snippet of a scene some time in the near future, written with the close point of view of chapter 1. I think that might have advantages.
It's currently written more like a plot summary than engaging evocative prose. If someone is looking for an engaging story, I think they might find it a bit cold and distant from the characters. I wonder if a short narrative told from the point of view of the prince about his first meeting with the beggar might be more engaging; one that leaves out some of the facts of the world, but contains the key information: the prince is (or shortly will be) on the run with little hope of survival, and he only has a beggar as an ally. As it is, the introduction lacks the engaging writing of your first chapter and might discourage readers who would otherwise be drawn into your novel.
The effort of the introduction could also be enhanced if there were hints in the first chapter that implied increased tension among the guards. My initial assumption was that the smell was that of some kind of gas attack on the compound, but that soon disappeared. If any such tension could be fed, it might help keep the danger from the introduction in the background of the mind of the reader, even as you continue to set out the benign introductory setting.
One suggested line edit. This following sentence didn't work for me:
"The stale afternoon air in his brightly lit study had suddenly received a sweet, sugary fragrance and no amount of studious diligence could make him ignore it."
Maybe replace the passive:
"The stale afternoon air in his brightly lit study *now carried* a sweet, sugary fragrance and no amount of studious diligence could make him ignore it."
Overall, the chapter made me want to continue reading. Well done.
(Came to this substack via one of your YouTube videos, because I like what you said and was curious)
Whenever I start a new story, the clock is ticking on whether or not I'll continue with the author. You, dear Hilary, have delighted me with your mud, enlo cakes, gorts, and bodyswords. Good fun, thanks for that.
While I enjoy your YT content, I don't think I'll be continuing this. There is ZERO tension in this first chapter. We have a prince sneaking around, but I don't know what the consequences are if he gets caught. Will his tutor double his readings as punishment? Will the tutor throw out the enlo cakes, believing them to be a distraction, thus denying our prince a taste of childhood? Because if there is no consequence of getting caught, why sneak in the first place? (And yes, the sneaking is there to give the reader a tour of the Little Palace, but it shouldn't be so obvious. So Ga should be sneaking for his own reasons, not for the reader's sake.)